Merry Christmas 2018
7 years ago
Thursday, November 30, 2006
pox 2.
it is less than ironic to me that only one person has commented on the pox blog (points for matt fasl). my first thought would be that perhaps no one reads my blog, but the interesting thing is that i have had quite a few guys comment to me personally over e-mail or by phone...they fear, i suppose, the vulnerability of the world wide web. some have asked me to write a disclaimer to the aforementioned blog -- to specify that not all those belonging to the male gender are like this -- and i think a few would be pleased if i would name some names. dream on, guys. i refuse to indulge. instead, i will simply make this point clear -- nowhere in the blog did i refer to "men" being idiots. i quite intentionally and consistently referred to them as "boys." now, it may make you feel all nice and fuzzy inside if i were to list those of you i thought belonged to the former and not the latter, but i find it much more useful to leave it to you. how about you take a look at your life and your relationships and figure it out for yourself...i dare you.
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12 comments:
wow...just like that. i love it.
i didn't comment because it reminded me of a certain passive aggressive blog entry about eating loud during movies.
i'm all about using blogs for good not evil. I've started a club - B.4.G.N.E. - Blogs 4 Good Not Evil. and if you renounce your ways you may find sanctuary under the B4GNE banner.
plus matt fasl is a tool. yes, a tool.
the men you decry in your blog are people you don't even know and I shall come to the support of those who are so passionately attacked and judged on the blogosphere without a fair trail by their peers in a court of law!
i must say, i appreciate your empathy for your friends, but i can not stand idly by and watch such evil be propagated in the blogging community. B4GNE RULES!
matt fasl is a tool.
joshua - did you even read the blog? are you seriously implying that i don't speak from personal experience as well as indirect experience? are you honestly insinuating that what i said is in anyway false or unfair? because i truly will hold ground to the words i have written, whether you think them passive aggressive or not.
and by the way...please don't use my blog to flirt with your boyfriend.
Yes, I did read your blog and I do not think it fair to publicly blog negatively about people in private situations, whether they indirectly or directly involve you.
With that being said, I feel your post, at its heart, is all about clearer communication. And in that end goal, I agree with you. I am all for clearer communication. It is in this spirit that I will argue that these men are quite possibly acting in a straightforward fashion but it is a fashion which is different than your own.
This in no way excuses their entire behavior as I do not know all that which you opine about. Yet, allow me to suggest that it is not fair to propose that male/female communication breaks down due to a male subconscious or conscious desire to protect women's delicacies. (haha - i'm leaving that sentence because it's truly laden with goodies)
Could it be that many men and women generally perceive "straightforwardness" differently? In my mind, I can see merely making a decision and not wanting to discuss all the intricacies as being a more "straightforward" method. As someone who internally manages my emotions I can relate with a person who executes and verbalizes final decisions after lengthy internal dialogue. However, I have found that many women in my life do not value being straightforward in this way. Being straightforward, as implied in your blog entry, appears to suggest that one must extrapolate all details together.
Talking with my married friend, it sounds as if this is the balancing act men and women engage in marriage. Many husbands learn that their form of directness does not easily translate to their wives. Many wives experience that their form of directness escapes their husbands understanding. It is in their give and take that they find common understanding. Perhaps that means that many husbands verbally process more with their wives and perhaps it means that wives are more forgiving to their concise and direct husbands. I, in no way, am suggesting that I know the proper solution.
Again, I am merely suggesting that the men you blog about may very well be acting in a straightforward manner which is contrasted by way you experience it.
I completely understand and value your deep loyalty and empathy extended to your good friends. In fact, it was my own empathy for the guys written in your blog that led me to initially not comment on your original entry.
There is another side of their stories. Sides that I am sure are full or wrongs and rights. Aspects that would rightfully make any of us angry and disappointed or even joy and elation. All the same, it is knowing that another side of the story exists that makes my heart sad that we jump to general statements about "all men/boys" do this and "all women/girls" do that. Perhaps, not even the men in your post truly did "this" or "that".
josh, is it possible? are you FRUSTRATED with me? mwahahaha. this is the best blog i've ever written.
the fact is i am not frustrated at all! lest you forget, i love conversation and debate. i just feel you are perhaps wrong in some of your assumptions. i think it perfectly healthy for people to disagree and not be upset. it saddens me that you assume someone would be mad with you if they disagreed with you.
i'm on the verge of writing a pox #3 just for you.
you two need a new hobby
josh told me to comment, and i'm his loveslave, so here it is:
answers to the questions you posted in pox 1:
1) yes
2) maybe
3) yes, sometimes
4) yes, sometimes
5) no
don't tell us to stop saving the world because that's what we're all here for. men and women.
and if you aren't devestated by our reticence, or claim that you're unaffected by our behavior, why all the bile on your blog?
we don't not commuicate because we want to suck you into guessing games. we don't communicate because of the exact opposite reasons you posit we don't.
hello david. it's a pleasure to have you in my neck of the blogwoods. while i had originally intended to just verbally vomit on my blog (thus the bile) with no real specifics as to the source of my nausea, thinking that everyone would write it off as another emotional purge from loisa, perhaps it would be best to be a little more specific. this blog was written for my sister. the last three of my sister's serious relationships ended with the boy walking away -- no communication, no balls to even say it was time to go -- literally leaving in the night with no forwarding address. my sister, though very different from me, is a genuinely good human being...one i love very much...one who does not deserve such desertion. another boy, the day i wrote that blog, walked away with no explanation. and i just want the boys that read my blog to know that it's not okay -- it's not okay to walk away with no communication -- to shut down with no opportunity for explanation.
the problem, as i see it now (though i was previously unaware), is that my blog very much sounds like i am villifying all boys. that truly was not my original intention. i specified stupid boys intentionally. i don't think all boys are stupid. i don't think all males are boys. it was a warning to those who fit into the "stupid selfish boy" catagory and a challenge to live making sure you aren't one of them. i see the folly of my blog, but i still maintain its intent.
to clarify, again, i do not claim that we are unaffected by your behavior...quite the opposite. we are severely affected by it. but honesty is indeed the best policy in this situation. perhaps you are not one of these boys who would ever walk away and leave someone scarred to the point of depression. i hope you are not. but if you are not, then this blog was not meant for you.
the part of your comment that caught my attention most was the last line. so you hesitate to communicate because you are afraid we won't be affected at all? or am i misreading what you were saying? either way, that's really interesting...i'm going to think about that for a while.
we don't communicate because we're terrified to admit we're weak.
i'm sorry that happened to your sister- most men i know would rather do what those boys did but realize they have to think about the other person. just leaving is cowardly: the trick is to teach men that open communication is an aspect of the strength all men want to have. because communicating is the hard way.
i hope next time your sister gets a good one!
somehow, even 12 years later, you standing up for me, fighting to claim that i did not deserve to be deserted, applies just a bit of healing to my broken heart.
i'm sorry you received so much shit for it.
thanks. i love you so much it's ridiculous.
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