okay.

i read my Bible last night. this is kind of a big deal because i have some issues with the Bible. lately it has seemed ambiguous and unclear and so i have left it where it sits to avoid the frustration of misunderstanding. but i read it last night. i flipped through it trying to figure out where i should read...what part of the Bible would be the easiest to digest after such a long period of drought. i completely bypassed the old testament for obvious reasons. i didn't want to read one of the gospels because Jesus's words can be so cryptic. romans is too controversial. phillipians is too pretty. somehow i ended up in hebrews. and somehow i ended up in the third chapter. i truly had no method of getting there. it's simply where i landed...like a parachuter landing on the only thumbtack for miles around.

the simple fact that i landed here is proof to me that this leather-bound stack of paper is a living, breathing organism.

hebrews 3. it warns against unbelief. it cautions the bitter against a hardened heart. it says we must "hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast." the consequence is never entering God's rest. i kept reading through chapter four. it said the message we hear is of no value if we do not "combine it with faith." and then it said this, to which i said, "okay, God."

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges thoughts and attitudes of the heart..." and then, "let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

okay, God.

now, of course not all of it was clear to me. so here are the points of frustration (which this time did not negate the points of clarity):

• in verse 7, paul says "as the Holy Spirit says..." he's quoting Psalm 95 which was written by David or some other journaler from his era. this is before Jesus came...wasn't the Holy Spirit given when Jesus came? so why does paul refer to the Holy Spirit in quoting an old testament scripture? does he consider all scripture to be written by the Holy Spirit, perhaps? or does he consider all scripture to be READ through the Holy Spirit, perhaps?
• in that same passage taken from Psalm 95, the Lord talks about his anger with the people as they tried and tested God. he says that is why he was angry...their hearts were always going astray. what does testing God look like? is it similar to doubt? i was under the impression God welcomed doubt.
• eternal security is always a hot topic in my mind...while i can argue either side depending on who i am with, i have a hard time believing either theory to be purely consistent with scripture. this passage seems to support the idea that we can turn away...that we can be refused to enter God's rest if we "turn away from the living God" (verse 12).
• which brings me to the question of God's rest...what is he talking about here? he goes into a spiel about the sabbath...is that what he means? or is he talking about heaven? i appreciate how paul makes it clear that these words were intended for all generations, not just Joshua's. but then he goes on to say that we have to make an effort to enter that rest so that "no one will fall by following their example of disobedience." so are we talking about a spiritual sabbath? what exactly does that look like? how can i be obedient if i'm not sure what it's saying?

but okay...so i don't understand everything. at least some things were clear.

i've had my religion and i've known what it meant
and i've sat on the fence and i've laughed and i've wept
at the things that have made me so bitter and bent
because i know what it's like
i know what it's like

but i don't know You
i don't know You
i don't know You
that's what this comes down to