company.

okay friends. i'm not some endorser girl that goes around telling everybody what they should and should not spend their time and money on. it's not my thing (yet). but i have to tell you about this book. one of the greatest professors i have ever had the privilege to study under, Diana Glyer (who would be appalled with my lack of capitalization and poor syntax if she knew this blog existed), wrote this book.

if you are a C.S. Lewis fan, you need this book.
if you are a Tolkien fan, you need this book.
if you are a Charles Williams fan, you need this book.

she wrote this about the Inklings (the group of brilliant men who met together every week at a bar called The Eagle and Child to discuss life, philosophy, politics, and writing), and how their relationships affected their lives, their thoughts, and their writings.

i also was honored to, for a short time, be a part of the initial editing of this book. i think it's fantastic.

check it out here:

http://www.amazon.com/Company-They-Keep-Tolkien-Community/dp/0873389913/ref=pd_bbs

pages.

if you know me, you know how paralytic i am when it comes to "performing." but i'm trying to do it more because i love to sing and this is how it's done.

i know a lot of people absolutely HATE getting tons of event invitations from random people. to avoid that, i created a "fan" page...basically it's just a way for me to know if you want to hear from me about this stuff or not.

so if you DO want updates and event information, you can become a "fan" (we'll use that term loosely) here:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/loisa/63691013409

and i promise i won't be hurt if you don't...

i have no idea what's in front of me musically, but better to be prepared. so let's see where this little journey takes us, shall we?

fantastical.

i love this.

25.

25 random things.

1. i think it's cool and rebellious not to capitalize words. unless they're REALLY important.
2. i love to dream. my dreams are epic.
3. pretty much every time i close my eyes, i see pictures...random, unexplainable pictures. at the moment, a man in green track shorts is running in front of a landscape of mountains carrying an impossibly large tree branch.
4. i love a good western.
5. i am dangerously loyal. it is much harder for me to forgive a loved one's transgressor than my own.
6. the future terrifies me.
7. the future excites me.
8. i believe truth is an absolute.
9. black and white is my favorite color scheme (not my favorite world view).
10. sometimes i think i feel things more deeply than other people. sometimes i'm glad for it. sometimes i'm not.
11. the hardest i've ever cried in a movie was when gandalf died (even though i knew he was coming back).
12. life would be daily more accomplishable if i had a dog at my side.
13. i want to own a bookstore. a children's bookstore with hidden passageways and an attic with dress-up clothes and a fireplace and midnight mysteries and story time with miss becky.
14. i want to marry a lumberjack.
15. i practice conversations a lot...outloud in my car or in the shower. sometimes i get confused about which ones have actually happened.
16. i think dolly parton is fabulous.
17. i'm addicted to video games. (don't tell anyone...it's embarrassing.)
18. my perfect moment would include rain on the windows, a fireplace, a quilt, a child or two, a book, and a song.
19. some of my favorite memories involve fishing and hunting.
20. i love it when someone orders for me at a restaurant.
21. sometimes i get very excited about heaven. very, very excited.
22. i change my mind a lot. i rarely change my heart.
23. new people make me very nervous.
24. respect is one of my favorite forms of affection.
25. everyday i am more aware of the reality that i sincerely and desperately rely on grace.

oh absolutely.

fear.

i can't sleep.

isn't fear amazing? it has the ability to assume such a variety of attitudes.

there is, of course, the thrilling fear. the delicious kind you feel at the nape of your neck when you allow your imagination to wander. the kind you get in a horror flick when you know someone, somewhere is about to jump out of the shadows. it's a controllable fear. one that often waits for your permission and never threatens your absolute peace. it's a lovely fear. (to me, at least.)

then there's actual physical fear. this is the adrenaline-pumping, tunnel-visioning, fight-or-flight fear reminiscent of prey escaping predator. it's similar to the first, but a more grown-up and matured version of it. it's when you become aware of the fact that your body is breakable. it's a healthy fear because it keeps us safe...reminds us of our boundaries and limits. but it is not as fun as the thrilling fear mentioned above. coming face to face with death outside of your manipulation...it's a different feeling altogether.

and how about the dull-achy fear of the future...the one that never really completely goes away, but ebbs and flows with the financial market and your hormone balance. you know this one. it sends us tiptoeing to the psychiatrist for a dose of xanax or lexapro. it makes our breathing as short as our temper. it's the one to which we owe for so many physical disorders and relational strains. certainly a fear, but again, so very different.

my favorite is the awe fear. the one that makes you say, "heavens!...i'm so very tiny!" remember when you first realized that forever was forever was forever? *shudder* that was the awe fear that kept you up that night. or when you caught a glimpse of just how many people there are on the planet...how many gallons of water there are in the ocean...how many atoms make up one expendable hair follicle...how disastrously large the sun really is in comparison to our meager, well-placed planet. or how aware the Creator of it all is of little old you? there's something unsettling and yet reverent in this fear. (i've come to crave it.)

but what of that spiritual fear? i think there is none more disturbing...more affective. it's when you become aware of the fact that your spirit is breakable. i am new to it. it bears urgency. it breeds compulsion. it is healthy. just as the physical fear keeps us safe, this too reminds us of our boundaries and limits. how dangerous to live without it. because light exists just as true as the "safe" we ran to in a game of tag. i would run fast and far and with strong conviction to escape that fear at my back until i outrun its reach. and if that fear alone prods me, then i am grateful for it.

amazing.

I THINK THIS IS SO AMAZING.