thoughts.

random things i have thought about today:
1. the many physiological reasons as to why my head might hurt so intensely and so frequently.
2. the consistency or inconsistency of my personality. do others perceive it? what is its source? who do i allow to know me?
3. weakness. i want to be more willing for it. i don't know how anymore. i have become the very thing i have strived to keep others from becoming. hardened (it looks like "strong").
4. appearances and how determinate they are subconsciously within any and all relationships.
5. friendships. they are even more mortal than me. and there are a lot of pretty poems about how they last forever, but they don't and i am suddenly aware of that. and i don't exactly know what to do about it.
6. big question in my head today: what am i doing in my life that does not directly and immediately bring myself "more?" what am i doing that is eternal?
7. how will i die? brain tumor? today i suspect it.