overcast.

sometimes i wonder which is worse. choosing the lesser of two evils, or choosing the better of two goods. i would like to be surrendered enough to enjoy the mountains of good i am surrounded by. instead, i am in consternation...worry and fear that they will either go away or begin war with one another. i say "God!! hey God!! this is maybe TOO MUCH good! i don't think i can swallow it all! and with every good thing you pack in, each one creates more capacity for loss and pain. so let's go with the middle road, shall we? you know, the easy one?" the easy one is simple to spot...it's clear and untainted by selfish motives...it doesn't require sacrifice much at all. last night i was remembering that road and missing it a lot.

and then this morning, i awake to clouds and darkness. and i'm not one to verbalize the weather into the voice of God, but this time i almost could imagine it. yesterday was so hot and disappointing. and then this morning..."hey, Loisa...i know what you love most. remember fall? remember how i invented it and made you love it so much? i know the things you love most. i'm not keeping them from you. just give me a little time. let me get to it when the getting is good. fall isn't so far away, see? it's here this morning, just like you like it. enjoy it now. don't wonder if there will be heat again tomorrow. you'll waste these clouds i brought for you."