whole.

it seems that perhaps no one was, but just in case you were worried about my rant against the God of the Universe in my last blog, rest assured it was a blog of emotion -- no abandonment of my theology or renouncing of my faith. i've already been through all that. which is why i can tell God he's a big mean CEO...we have that kind of relationship...he can take a joke. reason #43523 of why i adore my mother is that she taught my sister and i this song to sing when it seems like he's cruel. it goes to the tune of "Our God is an Awesome God." sing along if you'd like:

"Our God is a mean, mean God
He rules with an iron fist
He never lets us have
Anything we want."

i have yet to be struck by lightening, and something in me tells me he gets a little chuckle out of it himself, so don't worry about my journey to hell.

on to other things. tonight was a good night for me. tonight was fruit. this was the first weekend my vocal team that i lead was able to sing all together...all thirteen each on their own mic...each singing their best and hardest. the vocal parts that we have been working hard on and arranging and solidifying. it was amazing. it was so amazing. and i'm standing there as we are worshiping this God that i am still learning how to worship, and i'm looking out at people who are worshiping him, and i'm thinking, "i helped make this happen. i can't believe that i helped make this happen." and maybe that sounds arrogant...i think if you could hear my heart say it, you wouldn't think it was. but i did feel a sense of pride. a sense of accomplishment. a sense of fulfillment. God made me good at something and i'm getting to use it. that's just a really good feeling. i'm just so proud of them...not that i own them or made them...i don't know how to say it right. maybe i feel whole...maybe that's a good way to say it.