tradition.

i noticed about halfway through the week that no woman at this camp had been asked to pray over the group...no woman had been asked to lead devotions. i noticed that they did ask the girls to help in the kitchen. i don't go looking for these things...reasons to be frustrated. i guess it probably seems like i do. but i don't.

i see disrespect a lot in marriages, it seems. men who roll their eyes when their wife chimes in to a conversation they think is important. men who demand respect but don't even realize that they don't give it. i don't like it. it makes me afraid of marriage.

i know that no one is perfect. i know that i will hurt people i love for the rest of my life, and i know that they will hurt me. i get that. i'm not asking to be idolized...i'm not asking be superior...

i mentioned this observation about the lack of women in visible leadership to someone at the camp this weekend. "oh, i like tradition," she said. "i like that they let us go first in line and have doors opened."

i like tradition, too. i like being let first in line because i'm respected and treasured...not because there are points to be earned. and i appreciate men in leadership. i long to be led. believe it or not, i don't want to be the head of my household. i look forward to submitting someday.

but i want to be respected. i want to be appreciated and admired. not only in marriage, but in life, as a woman. when i take the submissive role, which i will do gladly, i want it to be a choice, not an expectation. the expectation steals the joy out of it. i do like tradition. i do like chivalry. i just hate condescension and demeaning. is it not possible for a woman to be used and allowed to rise to her full potential...for her to lead and still be led?