camp.

"How was camp?" Already i am bumfuzzled with how to answer this. there seem to be options of answers depending on who asks. so here are my responses depending on who you are and how you are asking...you may choose to read whichever response applies most aptly to you. (For those of you who don't know, the camp I'm talking about is a camp for kids of incarcerated parents, which I attended this week as a mentor.)

1. Person who wasn't even aware that I was gone, but now feels guilty and therefore is asking so they don't look like an ass.
To this person I say, "Camp was great! Aren't kids just the most fun ever?! Isn't God so awesome?!"

2. Person who cares a little bit about my overall experience, but doesn't really have the time or the attention-span for details (don't be afraid to be this person...I am this person).
To this person I say, "Overall, it was a week I wouldn't trade. There were good things that were really great, and there were bad things that really weren't. But the overall experience was amazing and has got me thinking about a lot of things."

3. Person who cares about the details, but who I don't necessarily trust with the very deepest things of my heart.
To this person I say, "Camp was amazing in the best and worst ways. I faced things I didn't know I would face...hurts surfaced that I didn't expect to surface. I fell in love with an 11-year-old girl who has already been hurt and broken by life. And I couldn't fix it. I couldn't fix what was broken and I couldn't soothe what was hurt. I fell more out of love with the organization of the structure we refer to as the church than I was before (if that's even possible). And I can't fix that either. I can't erase when people are idiotic...I can't recover for the name of Christians on their behalf...I can't convince them all of their folly. But I also fell a little bit more in love with the One who moves me...inched a little closer to Him, maybe. I yelled at Him a bit and told Him it was really not very nice to give me the desire to fix things but not the ability. I might have told Him that I wish He would just show Himself to people so that I wouldn't feel like I have to explain all the things that are misunderstood about Him all the time. I realized how arrogant that was and I apologized. I realized that He doesn't promise to reveal His goodness right away...that was new for me. He promises to reveal it, but not in the immediate. I thought about a lot of things in my head and in my heart and how I can't seem to reconcile the two. So I feel angry and I feel sorrow and I feel gratitude and I feel hurt and I feel joy and I feel release and I feel tension and I feel so many things today that I don't even know if I really feel anything. And that's okay. Tomorrow I'll have some sleep and I'll breathe some air and I'll drink some water and everything will be different. Today I'm raw and exhausted."

4. Person who cares deeply about me, who loves me in the deepest friendship, who I trust with my deepest heart, who I am the most deeply grateful for (yes, I am intentionally repeating forms of the word "deep" because it is a very good word for my favorite friendships).
To this person I say, "You know me. Do you really think I'm going to answer that over a blog?"