fred.

this is fred.



let's say fred is a really nice guy who is very comfortable with himself. let's say that he has gone through severe self-loathing and -disgust. let's say he has come through it with flying colors, truly grasped the concept of grace and beauty (and how intertwined they are) and is really quite content with the person he is and is becoming.

let's say one day fred ventures out of his comfort zone and into new territory. let's say he finds himself surrounded by new faces. suddenly, every confidence he was certain of slips into a void of discomfort, and he finds himself stuttering, wide-eyed, and mcgoo, staring into a crowd of unknown faces. there's no reason for it, really. the faces are friendly. they're not looking to harm or to destroy. they're simply faces that he's never seen before and that frightens him. and if he's really honest, the fact that the faces have never seen him before is even more terrifying than the fact that he's never seen them.

so let's say fred's misplaced confidence turns him into a blithering fool. let's say, instead of chuckling at a humourous joke, he guffaws and slaps his knee three too many times. people stare uncomfortably. instead of bringing up pleasant conversation, he somehow turns the conversation to awkward rashes or the unnatural side-effects of certain medications.

realizing his folly and the certain demise of his own confident reputation, let's say fred attempts the turn around. "i'm not mcgoo," fred tries to convey with his body language and demeanor, "i'm confident and charming." but instead of acting confident and charming, the attempt inevitably makes him act like a jackass. now instead of chuckling at a pleasant joke, he rolls his eyes and makes some mildly humorous, wickedly sarcastic comment about the guy that made it. people, again, stare uncomfortably. instead of bringing up pleasant conversation, he raises his eyebrows and scoffs at the conversation at hand.

let's say fred goes home and looks in the mirror and wonders what the hell just happened. let's say he questions whether or not he should be allowed in public ever again. let's say fred is a little harder on himself than he needs to be.

let's say i'm fred.

let's say so are you.