today.

it'a amazing how physical sorrow is. it's in your head, i keep telling myself. that feeling that you can't breathe...can'ts sleep...can't swallow...that physical pain that shoots through your heart and makes you long for a stiff drink of crown on the rocks is all in your head. stupid. talk yourself out of it, i kept saying today as the orders piled up and my brain refused to function...it's all in your stupid stupid head. but i can't. so i'm drunk right now. really drunk. i was supposed to give up alcohol for lent. so much for that. this is me. this is real. at least failure is real. can you take it? (i ask myself) i'll wake up tomorrow with more regret and less assurance. but oh well. i can't even breathe like a normal human being. oh well. what's to keep the world from going around again like it did last year, anyway? nothing i can do will stop it. not for all the hurt in the world. it keeps going around the same damn sun it's been going around since adam. oh well. i guess i just keep breathing and let life run its pointless course. and if i find meaning in it today, then kudos for me. that's all i have to say today.