humph.

ok. so saturday and sunday were rough days for me. i fought a heaviness and a seemingly unprovoked sense of self-defeat haunted me all weekend. i thought about not singing anymore...not writing anymore...not hanging out with people anymore. i cried a lot. and it was strange because i haven't felt that way in so long and i didn't know where it came from. i thought i was through with those days...that i had beaten that.

and then i figured it out.

that stupid personality test! yes, the very one i blogged about below. as i read the portrait it painted of what was meant to be my own personality, i thought to myself, "man, i really don't like this person. this person is not someone i would choose to be around...nor do i think it would be healthy for my world outlook to be in their company." and yet, as i read through, there was very little i could disagree with about myself. it was like someone held this mirror up that only reflected flaw.

so here's what i say to that: that is stupid. yes. stupid. jung, you chose to only hand me the worst of myself. yes, the negative might be true...but i maintain that there is much good in the small percentage that shares my outlook. and you know what, jung? i'm not the only one. here's what the ORIGINATORS, Mr. Myers and Mr. Briggs say of my kind:

"INFPs focus much of their energy on an inner world dominated by intense feeling and deeply held ethics. They seek an external life that is in keeping with these values. Loyal to the people and causes important to them, INFPs can quickly spot opportunities to implement their ideals. They are curious to understand those around them, and so are accepting and flexible except when their values are threatened.

"INFPs (Healers) are usually talented writers. They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

"Healers care deeply about causes that interest them, and they often pursue those causes with selfless devotion.
Occurring in only about one percent of the population, Healers can easily feel isolated. They value harmony and integrity in human relationships, seeking unity of mind, body, and spirit. Yet they often find these values to be out of step with the more concrete pursuits of the rest of the world. Feeling "different," they may wonder whether something is wrong with them. But those differences—an ethical nature, a devotion to ideals, a commitment to harmonious interaction—are in fact some of their greatest strengths."


and you know what, Jung? Helen Keller was an INFP and i happen to think she was pretty great. so you're not going to get me down. no sir. there's a world out there for me to try to understand and you're not going to keep me from it. not THIS weekend.