rocked.

i was rocked this weekend.

when gina asked me to lead the retreat with her last weekend, i said yes knowing that the musical part of the program would only take up a couple hours in the weekend tops. the rest was ours to have an adventure. my love for gina and the hope of that adventure were the only things in my mind that could battle out against having to spend significant time with an entire group of women. i don't like women. they are caddy and superficial and like to do things and talk about things that i don't like to do or hear. i have been to many a women's retreat, and the amount of petty snideness (yep, it's a word) that pervades the estrogen always overwhelms me and triggers my claustrophobia. but i decided i could handle it for a free weekend at a resort, free-time with gina (who was dreading with me), and a paycheck.

but when we walked into the little room they had designated for prayer, there were no snotty looks being tossed about...no discussions of make-up and plastic surgery. there were simply women on their knees at the feet of their Savior. and i was invited to join. i realized in that moment that i had been invited to a feast. after a year of crumbs and water, i had been invited to a feast. i love to be on my knees. some of you who know me might remember how once it was my heartbeat...how once it was my desperation to kneel and to kneel together. i had forgotten how beautiful it is to kneel.

as we knelt, they prayed over me. sweet prayers of grace and joy. prayers of intercession and surrender. prayers of anointing and healing. and as we knelt, i heard their hearts, softened by years in this posture and my hard bitter heart broke. as i wept, one of these beautiful women pulled me up. she said it might be strange, but she needed me to sit in her lap. (those of you who have ever heard of my Big Black Velvet Chair...which has been lately covered in spider webs...might understand the weight of that request.) she drew me to her as i wept, and she rocked me.

and she rocked me.