inspiration.

i love children.

there is so much "to be" about them. i want to be a part of the "to be."

today we took the girls to see a community kids' choir performance in town. it made me glad. it made me want to be involved. i sat there watching these children learn and participate in music -- the thing that i love to my core -- and i couldn't help but realize that i want a part of that. the people who stand out in my mind as the forefront of influence in my development were each one involved in my musical development -- every single one. that's not a coincidence. and that means something to me. so i'm going to think about that more.

something else is happening. perhaps it's just that i'm here...perhaps it is just the spring...but i do want a family of my own. i think it's worth the grief...the ache of it all...the hardship. pat was right when she so powerfully proclaimed "love is a battlefield." there is so much pain in marriage -- so much hurt to work through. i see it everywhere i turn. but i know the truth of the blessing. i see what "lavish" and "abundant" mean. and i want that, even with the reality of the struggle.

also, i love it here. i love it here.

i love it here.